Relationships in the Classroom

What I've known since beginning this job is that it is the personal relationships with my students that make my job worthwhile. Of course, there's also an incredible amount of creative energy that goes into teaching, and that appeals to me too. What has been so hard about the last few weeks is that all of my creative energy has been used up and I've felt like no relationships have been developing. Things are perhaps beginning to change...

On Friday, I had an extremely uncomfortable advisory class period. These four boys, most of them 10th and 12th graders, were purposefully pushing my buttons and I was falling for it, getting madder and madder each time, which only egged them on further. Maybe because it was Friday and I was exhausted, I could not get the personal distance I needed from the situation to see how to improve it. Thankfully I share this advisory class with the other rookie teacher (even more a rookie than me at 23 years old). I left the classroom for a breather and let him settle the boys. I immediately went to our school mom. She really is the mother of several former students. She got involved when they attended and she's never left; thank goodness. Her job has now been formalized and she's paid for the long hours she puts in at our school. She does a little bit of everything and has a big presence on campus. The first week of school, the freshmen thought she was the principal. What's great about her is that she is very supportive of the teachers, but she has excellent relationships with the students. So, I went to her because I knew that she was on solid ground with the 12th grade ring leader in my class. She pulled him from class and had a long talk with him where he admitted he was purposefully trying and testing me and encouraging the rest of the class to do the same. He admitted that he didn't like me. Our school mom relayed all of this back to me in the kindest, most gentle way, and assured me that he would come talk to me on Monday. Well, over the weekend I thought about my own behavior and realized I'd been holding on to some things too tightly, that my need to seem authoritative had gone overboard: truthfully I didn't care if students chewed gum in class; I only cared that they didn't leave it in class (on the floor, under desks, etc.) So, today I asked this student to go for a walk with me, which he agreed to do. In fact, he said, "I knew you were going to ask to talk to me. I was going to talk to you first." We found a quiet place on campus and had a heart to heart. I reminded him that he is clearly a school leader and because of it he has some responsibility to help create the kind of school and class he wants to attend. He admitted to derailing my class (though he did not apologize). I admitted to being a little uptight about some stupid things. He said, "I'm going to be on your side from now on," to which I said, "I hope that you will see that we can all be on the same side." And after that, we just talked. He had his photos from a fabulous Outward Bound trip he got to take to Hawaii this summer as a part of their urban scholarship program. We bonded over our backpacking experiences. I feel hopeful that this little bit of time I took to spend with him will greatly improve my experience with this class. If only I had opportunities to have one on ones with all of my students... With 32 freshman in each period, it's a bit daunting to say the least.

But, I am trying to find small ways to hear from each of my students on an individual basis and build some relationships, knowing that this will improve my life and our experience together. On Friday, I had them write "exit cards," a response to me on a notecard which acts as their ticket out of class at the end of the day. I asked them to tell me how their three weeks had been; if they were happy with their seat in the class; and anything else they thought I should know about them in addition to all they told me in their introductory letters. By and large the results were good. Of course, all of my students who are truly struggling in English (because it's their second language) think the class is boring. One student writes, "I don't think I can pass but I am going to try really hard. The three weeks that we've been here have been boring and hard." Another writes, "Because is boring reading and writing to teach more I that this three week been good." I am witnessing the beginning of their high school friendships. One pretty shy girl, who I just discovered last week would prefer to go by her second name rather than her first but was too embarrassed to tell me or any of her classmate, wrote, "This three weeks have been awesome! I love that I made new friends. Also the teachers are really nice to me." Others struggle to find their place; "I don't really like the people but school's cool, but NO GOTHS ARE HERE!" and another admits, "I'm a nerd. The past three weeks were the saddest weeks..." I love the response from one of the most responsible and best behaved boys in the class. On the second day of school, I asked them to write a letter to me. In his, he told me he had crushes on three girls in my class, so I wrote him back and asked him if it was distracting to him. Believe it or not, he responded on his exit card with "Nah, it's only one girl and I'm dating her. Yup. But don't worry she doesn't distract me and neither do I." I am sure it is the girl who sits right next to him, which says a lot for proximity. She writes, "I like sitting next to _____ because he is not annoying like the other boys." Truthfully, they are working well together. My favorite, though... I think it comes from a young woman who comes to our school every day on a 40 minute bus ride. In her letter to me she had told me about a teacher that really encouraged her in the past. On her exit card, she writes, "Remember the letter I wrote about the inspiration teacher. Well, I would like you to be that teacher this year!"

Clearly, I have some serious work to do, especially with developing the English of some of my English Language Learners, but I'm feeling a bit more excited about using up all of my creative energy now that I know a bit more about the people behind the students. What I must remember is that it works the same way for them, a relationship will build their interest. I have introduced myself to my students by letter and again through a poetry assignment, but that is all. Beyond this, I am still a stranger to them. I need to look for ways to disclose more about myself while still maintaining the distance I need.